there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
