2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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