Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
