wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
