She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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