i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
