Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
