just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
