Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
