hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
