I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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