I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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