I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
