hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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