My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
