4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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