Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
