Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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