I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
