College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
