just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
