How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
