You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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