Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
