Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
