Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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