I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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