DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Randomize
