Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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