So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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