OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
