Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
