kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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