dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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