Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
