she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
