My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
