I'm lost and stupid without you.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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