I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize