my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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