If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
