The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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