Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
