I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
