BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
