I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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