I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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