thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
