Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
