oh god the rape fog is back!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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