Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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