Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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