the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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