Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
