i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
