We won't sleep together?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
