he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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