someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I love you. Go after that dick
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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