Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
