Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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