Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
