im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
