I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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