don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i out mim tonsoeep
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