Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
