Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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