I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
