he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
