She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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