I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
