we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
