Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
