is your mom at the bar?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I need a burrito and a hug.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
