I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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