he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
