I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You are the jesus of drinking
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
